Kate Nugent

My name is Kate and I have an Inner Critic. Mine is a first cousin to the devil that sits on your shoulder and whispers bad things in your ear. Instead of prompting me to commit devilish acts, however, this devil says bad things about me to me, and at the worst possible times.

When I am in the middle of a high stakes presentation, my Inner Critic/Devil will say something like, “Wow, you are really unprepared. What makes you think you could do this?” Or when I am sitting on a great idea in a meeting, he will say, “I’m sure they’ve already thought of that, it’s so obvious.”

I’m not talking about your superego, which is the part of your psyche that keeps you from doing really inappropriate things at inappropriate times, like screaming in frustration in the middle of a meeting. I’m also not talking about a healthy self-awareness of your strengths and weaknesses, which can be useful.

The Inner Critic is an overly-critical voice in your head that is rarely based in reality. It can be a replay of something critical that was said to you years ago by your boss, mother or teacher. At best it keeps you from being present and at worst begins a downward spiral into I-am-no-good-land. Which, let’s face it, is never useful.

I have no empirical evidence that women suffer from this phenomenon more than men; I just know that when I reveal my struggle at women-only leadership programs and ask if anyone else in the room can identify, most of the hands go up. And I am at the point in my life where I am less interested in why I do this to myself or why women may be more self-critical than men; I am more interested in whacking that devil off my shoulder and watching it sprawl in the dust.

Here are some techniques I use that have helped me:

• Fake it ‘til you make it. Here’s where the acting comes in: act as if you are the smartest, most valuable member of your team and everyone is sitting on the edge of their seats to hear your ideas, even if your inner critic tells you differently. For behaviors that support this version of you, see the “Presence of a (Woman) Leader” blog.

• Get a second opinion. Ask a trusted colleague to give you honest feedback. Be very specific about how you are trying to develop and insist that they tell you what is working and where your opportunities lie. Have them observe you in action and take notes, if possible.

• Focus on others. The advice used to be, picture your audience in their underwear. I wouldn’t recommend that. Instead, focus on your audience and what they need, or what you need from them. If you want their buy-in, focus on inspiring them or winning them over, and then watch them carefully to see if you are succeeding. Focusing on your audience gets you out of your head (and gets the Critic out, too).

• Be kind to yourself. In comedy improv, there is a golden rule: Forgive yourself for everything, right away. It’s the only way to get back on stage and try again. Everybody bombs every once in a while; make sure if you have a devil on your shoulder that there is an angel on the other shoulder saying, “It’s okay – tomorrow’s another day.”

Imagine these techniques are Kryptonite to your Inner Critic. Each time you wield them your critic weakens and is eventually replaced by that healthy, helpful sense of self that you deserve. Your Inner Leader will thank you.

Happy New Year and Welcome to 2012!

Since we spend so much time coaching you around YOUR Presence, we decided to make some PRESolutions of our own for 2012…what’s a PRESolution you ask?

A PRESolution is a resolution relating to our PRES Model for Leadership Presence: Present, Reaching Out, Expressive, Self-Knowing.

To thank you for being such great clients and friends, one lucky person will win a $500 American Express gift card when they leave their own PRESolution in the comments section below–why not make that person you? Good luck! Oh, and just ’cause we have to, here are the official rules.

UPDATE: For those of you having trouble viewing the above video, here is the video on YouTube–thanks for the feedback!

Chris von Baeyer

Several months ago the new virtual global economy caught up with me.  An important new business partner based in the UK, with whom I was about to sign a very large contract, suggested that our introductory meeting be on Skype.

I was initially surprised, as this technology has always had the connotation to me of being very much in beta stage when it comes to professional business communication.   Sure, over the past year I have found myself using Skype more and more.  But I have always relegated its use to my family and friends. I have tended to use it only after business hours and, given that the technology is free, it has somehow seemed to me that an important first business meeting would not be very “official” if it was on Skype.

Nevertheless, I decided to give it a try.  And, to my great relief, the meeting was a tremendous success.  Our business relationship has thrived, and while I have still never met my new colleague face-to-face, it feels that, several months and numerous Skype calls later, we are trusted partners.

As we enter the new world of ubiquitous video-conferencing, there will be a greater and greater need for all organizations to train their leaders and managers in the skills and techniques of virtual presence. At the root of any such training is the core principle that a leader’s job as a communicator is to build trust and engagement with others.  And if Skype becomes the new standard for business calls, the visual impression we make on others becomes increasingly crucial to success.

But what separates a highly effective presence on a conference call from a performance that leaves a bad impression on your boss or your client?

Five Skyping tips for the new virtual global economy:

1.  Look into the camera! Unlike face-to-face communication, when you are Skyping with someone, you cannot look into their eyes and see them at the same time!  Think about it: because the camera on your computer is usually set just above the screen, you always have two choices—you can either look directly into the camera (thus giving your conversation partner the impression that you are looking into their eyes) or you can look at the image of your partner on the screen.

And it does make a difference!  They can tell immediately when you are not looking at the camera because you will appear to them to be looking down.  That same look in a live context would give them the impression that you were not really present with them.  Is that how you want to be perceived?

2.    Pay attention to lighting and background.  In his best-selling book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell points out that human beings are masters at what he calls “thin-slicing”—that is, making broad conclusions based on a very thin slices of data.  When you appear on someone else’s computer screen they are intuitively doing much more than just listening to your brilliant words—they are looking at the whole picture and drawing big conclusions based on a thin slice of visual data that is being transmitted to them.

Do a short trial run before you start a video conference call with an important client or colleague.  Is the lighting sufficient?  What’s on the bookshelf behind you?  Is there ambient noise in your office that will distract them from your presence?

3.    Let them know you are listening. On a regular phone call you don’t have to do much when the other person is talking…they can’t hear or see you anyway. That all changes when you add video.  One quick glance away from your own screen while they are speaking and your viewer may suddenly perceive that you have lost interest in their words.

Perception is reality.  It has been famously said “Your actions speak so loudly I can’t hear what you are saying…”   Be aware of how the smallest movements of your head and eyes appear to others—it will make all the difference between whether you are perceived as caring and engaged or distracted and self-interested.

4.    Clarify the context of the meeting. Of course not all video conference calls require that you give your undivided attention to the person peering out at you from your computer screen. When conducting routine transactions with familiar colleagues via Skype, meetings take often take on the flavor of a “roll up your sleeves” working session in which all parties are referring to other documents on their desks and computers, talking to others who are live with them in the room, or even taking simultaneous phone calls.

The key is to clarify your intention—do you want to complete a transaction or build a relationship?  As Shakespeare said: “Suit the action to the word and the word to the action.”

5.    Be yourself. Most importantly, be yourself.  Everyone has a different Skype presence…some tend to be more formal, others more relaxed and informal.  Video conferencing is a tremendous way to bring more of yourself into your relationships with geographically distant clients, colleagues and employees. A small investment of care and attention to the quality of your presence on the screen will bring real returns in terms of trust, engagement and relationship.

Do you have a Skype story or best practice? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below.

–Chris von Baeyer

Kate Nugent

As an Ariel Group Senior Consultant, I have been privileged to lead several Leadership Presence programs for senior and high potential women leaders. I find these gatherings incredible inspiring and challenging; at this point in our history, only 11 chief executives of Fortune 500 companies are women. We’ve come a long way, baby, but we have a long way to go.

One of the questions that always comes up at these programs is “How do I present myself as a confident, credible leader?” (Men ask this question too, but not as often).

My answer is that we are always projecting a presence is whatever we do, whether we are passing colleagues in the hallway, answering the phone, or speaking in front of a group. And that presence is always being noticed. We as women have the power to present a high or low presence, and we can choose how we want to appear.

The good news is that there are some very specific signals that women (and men!) can give out that communicate high presence.

SIGNALS OF HIGH-PRESENCE

• Look ‘em in the eye. When you pass a colleague in the hall, do you maintain eye contact as you pass them, or do you look at them quickly and then look away? Steady eye contact signals high presence, even if you are “just in the audience.”
• Plant your feet. Some women stand with their legs crossed one in front of the other, signaling an unsteady or diminutive presence. This kind of positioning can spread to the rest of your body – your hands, shoulders, even your facial expression! Try standing with your feet planted under your hips. Your posture and presence will automatically improve.
• Keep your breath deep. There’s nothing that communicates low presence like a high-pitched, breathless voice (unless you’re Marilyn Monroe). Deep breathing will keep you and your voice steady and calm, signaling natural authority.
• Use silence. Don’t fear the pause, both when you are presenting or just speaking with a colleague. Ease with silence is a signal of high presence. Don’t feel the need to fill space with talking, explaining, or (the worst) apologizing.

I highly encourage you to practice, practice, practice these techniques. Start with low-stakes scenarios; say when you are sitting in a meeting. Try making eye contact with whoever is speaking. Plant your feet on the floor (even when you are sitting, it makes a difference).  Practice breathing into the belly. If you are called on, pause before you speak.

All of these techniques will signal higher presence and help you to be more present, which will, in turn, communicate to others that you are a confident, credible leader.

Let us know how it goes.

Carol Lempert

Top Olympic athletes like Michael Phelps have a coach. Winning sports teams like the New York Yankees employ several coaches. World class Opera Singers even hire a vocal coaches.

And now we come to find out that a top surgeon has one too.

Atul Gawande, writes about his experience of deciding to get a coach in the October 3, 2011 issue of the New Yorker. The essay is titled: Personal Best: Top athletes and singers have coaches. Should you?

He writes:

I’ve been a surgeon for eight years. For the past couple of them, my performance in the operating room has reached a plateau. I’d like to think it’s a good thing – I’ve arrived at my professional peak. But mainly it seems as if I’ve just stopped getting better.

He decides to try a coach. He asks a former teacher and colleague to come and observe him as he operates. He says:

It had been strange and more than a little awkward having to explain to the surgical team why someone was spending the morning with us. “He’s here to coach me” I’d said. Yet the stranger thing, it occurred to me, was that no senior colleague had come to observe me in the eight years since I’d established my surgical practice.

As a Leader your people look to you to set the bar. If you demand a high quality of work from your team, you must demonstrate your ability to improve too. Atul Gawande wanted to improve. He’d gotten as good as he could get on his own. He reached a point where an outside set of eyes and ears could provide insights he couldn’t get alone.

Ask yourself: When is the last time you had someone give you real-time feedback on how you are doing and how you might improve? If it was more than a year or so, you might want to consider getting a coach.

Here’s how to start:

• Invite someone you trust, or a professional coach, to be your ‘outside set of eyes and ears.’
• With your coach, create a comprehensive list of skills that successful people in your field excel at. The list might include skills like: being mentally present and focused at meetings, asking high impact questions to understand another’s point of view or not interrupting others when they speak.
• Have your coach observe you as you work. This could include inviting them to watch you give a presentation or facilitate a meeting or conduct a sales call.
• Have a conversation with your coach about what they saw you do well from the list of skills list you created, and where they think you could improve
• Commit to implementing some new ideas or techniques based on your coaching conversation.
• Repeat.

After just one coaching session Dr. Atul Gawande reports that he had more to consider and work on than he had in the past 5 years. Imagine what could happen for you and your organization with a sustained commitment to ongoing coaching?

Do you have a peer or professional coach? Has it been helpful?

Kate Nugent

Recently I was leading a Leading with Presence program for a large biotech company. As I passed through the lobby, I noticed that the company’s values were stenciled on the walls—words and phrases like “Respect,” “Do the Right Thing,” “Quality”, etc., festooned the area in tastefully muted colors.

As I continued down the hall to the training room, I saw more stenciled words: inspirational quotes from great leaders and scientists, like Martin Luther King and Margaret Mead.

When it came time in the program to practice inspiring others using our method of Passionate Purpose, I asked about the words in the lobby and halls. “Certainly,” I said, “it must be easy to fire people up when your company values are side by side with such inspiring messages, and you walk by them every day.”

Silence. Someone coughed. A brave person spoke up. “Yes, it should be that way, but it’s very hard to connect what we do in the day to day with our values and with such big ideas.  We need our leaders to help us with that.”

Aha. The leader needs to be the conduit between the big aspiring value/mission/message and the day to day. But how does one do that, exactly? A great way to start is to develop and share a leadership credo:

Developing a Leadership Credo

The purpose of a leadership credo is to allow you to communicate your personal values and principles (and/or those of your company), as they manifest in your role as a leader in a way that engages the hearts and minds of others. Here’s how to get started:

1. Write down a couple of values or principles that are important to you and/or your company.

2. Describe why these values and principles are important to you personally and in your role as a leader.

3. Brainstorm quotes, metaphors, stories (see last InterMission for more on stories) or examples of heros or role models that relate to or illustrate your values and principles.

4. Present! Share your leadership credo in presentations, meetings with your team, etc using the following format (and yes, it will sound better the more you practice):

• Start by describing a metaphor, telling a story or sharing an inspirational quote from your list
• State your values
• Explain why the values are important to you personally or in your role as a leader.

Good luck!

Kate Nugent is an Ariel Group facilitator, coach, performer and director.

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Chris von Baeyer

One of the most important principles informing the practice of leadership presence is the concept that we all have a natural presence—fully available to us at all times.   This contrasts with the notion that effective presence is something that we have to acquire.  Rather, presence, if we want to get “better” at it, can be thought of as a quality that we may choose to retrieve.

Kristin Linklater, the great American voice teacher who developed the methodology referred to as Freeing the Natural Voice, tells a parable that describes the process of how individuals lose touch — as a result of their upbringing, conditioning, and education — with authentic human impulses to communicate. In my training with her as a voice teacher, I heard the story and have subsequently shared it with hundreds of clients and students over the years. Here’s my version of the Chocolate Chip Cookie Story.

One day Johnny walks into the kitchen and sees the cookie jar.  Immediately overcome with longing and desire for a cookie, he gets very excited and starts breathing rapidly.  He jumps up and down and tries to control himself, but he can’t contain his authentic excitement. Finally he just let’s go of all restraint and screams at the top of his lungs, “I want a chocolate chip cookie, NOW!!”

His mother comes in from the next room and, appropriately, corrects Johnny’s behavior by saying carefully, “Now Johnny, that is not a nice way to ask for a cookie. The answer is no, you may not have a cookie until you learned to ask for it politely.”

So Johnny frets and sulks for a while and walks away. But the lure of the cookie is too great and he soon returns to the kitchen. Once again, overcome with desire, he starts breathing rapidly, jumps up and down trying to unsuccessfully to contain his excitement and almost blurts out —

But Johnny has learned. He checks his impulses, holds his breath, carefully prepares himself, turns quietly to his mother and, in a very soft and gentle voice, says: “Mommy, pretty please, with sugar on top, may I have a chocolate chip cookie, please?”  

Mommy replies, “Of course, my dear son, that is the proper way to ask for a cookie.  Yes, you may indeed have a chocolate chip cookie — in fact you may have two.”

 And that is how Johnny begins to lose his natural voice.

The story is used in the training of actors as an example of the power of socialization as one of the processes by which we unconsciously learn habits of communication and behavior that limit our full range of expressivity. In the context of an actor training, of course, the story is a tragic one…poor Johnny is on the verge of losing touch with the natural emotional impulses that would serve him if he was to embark on a career as an actor.

The teaching point of the story, however, is not that socialization is wrong or inappropriate.  On the contrary — a world without parents and teachers who carefully prepare us to adapt to the norms of society would be a chaotic and uncivilized world indeed.  Rather, the lesson of the story as it relates to our topic of leadership presence is that the impulse to communicate with passion and full expressivity of voice and body, is imprinted deeply within all of us, along with all of the animal instincts that we have inherited over millions of years of evolution. How we ultimately choose to manage those impulses as a society and as individuals is a matter of our own choosing.

Even more important is the lesson that the Chocolate Chip Cookie story does not explicitly teach. That is, regardless of our upbringing or education, the innate qualities of communication with which we were originally born are accessible, should we have reason and motivation to go digging for them within us.  This principle of retrieving what has been temporarily misplaced and forgotten, as opposed to inventing new behaviors outright, is essential to the topic of developing our presence as leaders.

-Chris von Baeyer

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Kate Nugent

Part one of a two-part piece on Values-Based Leadership. Next InterMission: How do you align your personal values with your company’s values? And how do you communicate that connection to your people?

Recently there has been much literature and discussion around we as individuals living our personal values (see practically any episode of Oprah) and about values-based Leadership (see Warren Bennis or Bill George on authentic leadership), but how do we identify our personal values and then communicate them to our people while connecting with their hearts and minds?

The answer to both questions is the same: storytelling. In fact, remembering what Noel Tichy calls the “teachable moments” of your past and then sharing them with others is essential to values-based leadership.

A 5-point plan to crafting a values-based story:

1. Find the story. Our pasts are like my attic: messy and full of old books. If I flip on the light, clear the cobwebs, and start leafing through those books, I re-discover my old stories. If you find a quiet place and close your eyes, the first story that comes to you is most likely the right one.
2. Give us the sensory details. Tell us about the corner office with the view of the Hudson River that you had to give up; describe the noise of the trade floor; tell us how your boss’ Cartier watch swung around his wrist as he yelled at you.
3. Don’t forget the (emotional) juice. Maybe there was a moment of uncertainty, fear, or just a tunnel-vision focus on right vs. wrong. Communicate that. Don’t gloss over it. This is where you connect with people’s hearts.
4. Act like a professional storyteller. Imagine you are telling the story to a bunch of children (your audience won’t know): keep them in suspense, use foreshadowing, show through facial expression how you felt.
5. Name the value: Tell us what value was forged or violated as a result of this life event.  Here are some examples of powerful values-based stories I’ve heard in the classroom:

-An Executive Education participant whose first day at a top-drawer financial firm started with him being ordered to fire the manager he was replacing (Integrity).

-A leader’s story of his first experience with racism on the playground – another boy was being taunted – and how he stood up for the boy even though it turned the other boys against him. Years later he found himself defending the hard work of his team to leadership (Mutual Respect).

-An SVP’s story of his days as a young consultant – he made an egregious mistake on a client proposal and his boss, instead of firing him, said “I guess you’ll never forget this day and you’ll never make such a careless mistake again.” And he didn’t. (Trust and Mentoring).

Do you have a great values-based story? Have you been moved by someone else’s?

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Kate Nugent

In a former life I was a professional improv comedienne. I performed weekly in clubs, coffeehouses and theaters in major cities and college towns all over the country. If you’ve ever seen “Whose Line is it Anyway?” you know that improv performers come onto a stage with no script, ready to create original scenes based on audience suggestions. Without a doubt my most valuable lessons in communication and leadership were wrought on those tiny stages under hot lights. In fact, I draw heavily on my improv training as a facilitator, public speaker and coach.

I often talk about my improv experience when facilitating Leading with Presence programs, and more than once a participant has approached me and whispered (sometimes shamefully), “I’ve wanted to take a Comedy Improv class for a long time.”

I have three words for them, and for you: Just Do It.

You may think it a frivolous pursuit. It’s not. The skills of improv are so relevant to leadership communication that your company should think about reimbursing you for the cost of the class.

Here are three of my favorite Golden Rules of of Improv when it comes to business. Skeptical? Try substituting “leader” for performer, and “team” for scene partner(s) or audience:

First Idea, Best Idea.

As an improv performer, ideas fly in and out of your head at a dizzying speed. Guess what? The first one is usually the right one.

I was once performing an improv game where I had to act a scene in a style of a particular playwright or filmmaker, based on audience suggestion. The audience started yelling dozens of ideas, and I heard one: Noel Coward. I knew next to nothing about Noel Coward’s plays, and there were other suggestions that were much safer. I picked Noel Coward. I “killed,” as we say in comedy. The times I second-guessed my first idea, and went with a safer choice? I tanked. Trust your instincts even if it means taking a risk.

Say Yes, and…

To start a scene, your partner might enter and make what we call in improv, “an offer.” They might burst onto the stage and say, “Mother’s drunk again!” You have a choice. You can completely accept and build on that idea (perhaps by saying something like, “Oh, no, and she’s due on the Space Shuttle in less than an hour!”) OR you can make a dismissive statement that brings the scene to a screeching halt by preventing anyone else from building on the idea (in this case saying perhaps, “No I just saw her, she’s just tired”). This is called “blocking.” It happens all the time in business, and has the same effect on a meeting that it does in the theater. All the air goes out of the room.

Listen, and when all else fails…Listen.

There’s a trap in improv called “monologuing.”
 Your energy is high, you’re on a roll, the character you’ve created is getting great laughs, and your scene partners haven’t said a word in seven minutes. They’re in danger of becoming scenery. Stop. Listen. Share the lead. There is a gold mine of wealth in what your scene partners–or your team–have to offer.

What do you think?

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Kate Nugent

During a Leadership Presence program last week, a participant pulled me aside and said, “This is a totally different kind of training. I’ve been to a lot of trainings but I’ve never had the opportunity to try something, get coaching and then try it again. It feels like it could stick.”

That’s no accident. The Ariel Group methodology is designed for transformational learning and is based on the way actors rehearse and develop their craft.

Brain science supports this methodology. The speech and thought centers are in two completely different areas of the brain. “Rehearsing” out loud moves us from the thought center to the speech center, allowing us to easily repeat changes we’ve made in the way we present ourselves.

Why not take a page from the Ariel handbook and try coaching a direct report on their presence during an upcoming meeting or presentation? Here is a step-by-step process to help you get started:

1. Watch them in action. The next time your coachee delivers a presentation or leads a meeting, pay attention to their presence. Take notes: draw a line down the middle of the page and write what’s working on one side and suggestions for improvement on the other.
2. Endorse, endorse, endorse. After the meeting or presentation, tell your coachee specifically what they are doing well. You might say, “The story you told at the beginning of the presentation was very compelling and had a strong teaching point – I could tell people were really with you.”
3. Give specific, actionable feedback. Tell them 1-2 things to work on so as not to overwhelm them (even if there are 10 areas for improvement). Focus on behaviors, not personal judgments; for example, “You lost volume towards the end of your presentation and I was having a hard time hearing you,” as opposed to “You are coming off as under-confident.”
4. Get them “on their feet.” Have your coachee go back to a tricky moment in the presentation or meeting and ask them to do it again. If you are already practicing Steps 1-3, chances are they will trust you enough to do that. Endorse them, remind them of the feedback, and then let them try it again right away and make the change.  This way they can feel the change, which enables them to repeat the new behavior when they next present.
5. Endorse, endorse, endorse. Notice the change in their delivery and presence and praise them for it. Think of yourself as a parent who wants this kind of behavior to continue. Don’t skip this step. Your coachee has just taken a big risk with you—reward them for it.

Good luck! Feel free to ask questions or let us know how your coaching session went in the comment section below.

Kate Nugent is an Ariel Group facilitator, coach, performer and director.

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